Testimony from the FSCB

Witness by John Roderick
November 15 2008

The month of October began by flying home to Canada to acquire a student visa from the Italian Consulate in Montreal. The short visit in Montreal enabled me to visit a couple friends from the CL Movement, and to spend a night at the Memores House. I was a little disappointed that I was not able to touch base with the priests from the Fraternity in Montreal, but the primary purpose was to get to the Italian Consulate early Wednesday morning, in order to catch my flight to Saint John that afternoon. Special thanks to JZ, CF, MB and LC.

Upon returning home, I was welcomed by my parents at the airport and a pan of fresh chocolate chip squares. I was excited to have a two weeks at home to think and pray about what I had been living since my arrival in Rome around the middle of August. I remember that following supper, I went to a Holy Hour at St. John the Baptist Church where I was able to see and catch up with a few friends. I was very happy to be home, but at the same time my visit carried with it a sense of limitation, for I knew I was returning in just over two weeks. I decided that I would commit to following the life at the House of Formation as best as possible, attending daily Mass, rosary and an hour of silence every day, a Holy Hour and time before the Blessed Sacrament. I was also trying to better understand the significance of my history, my friendships and the place where I grew up in light of meeting the CL movement in Washington, DC and in Montreal and in light of the verification of a vocation to the priesthood at the house of formation in Rome. I was able to visit many friends and family members, with a couple of highlights including being home for Thanksgiving, spending time at my grandparents summer home, hiking at the Irving Nature Park, swimming and working at the Canada Games Aquatic Center, following the National election, playing basketball with the boys, going to the New Brunswick Symphony, reading Elena.

Being with and staying in front of some friends was at times difficult, seeing them suffer with confusion regarding the uncertainties in their lives (work, school, family, and relationships with God). However, I felt it a privilege to be with them, thanking God for their presence in my life, and for the impact they all have had on my journey. At times it was difficult to only visit for a short period, but I in hindsight I know this is what God had intended.

It was kind of interesting to think about how my life is the same, but in a sense different while I was home. My friends all knew that I was in Rome spending time in a novitiate year, and I was not sure what preconceived ideas they may have of the Fraternity or of Communion and Liberation. I decided that I am going to be myself and not try to win anybody over for the movement or the fraternity, but live as I have always lived or tried to live since meeting CL, that is, with an awareness that I am able to meet the presence of Christ within the circumstances that are given and in front of me. That God desires to seek me out in that which I love and cherish, my friends and family and other activities and places. This has heightened my passion and enthusiasm for what I do and how I live. This is the beauty of asking and recognizing God present in concrete ways, and for the grace to recognize his presence.

It seems like my parents are happy with my decision, knowing from spending the previous year living together that this has been on my heart to pursue this time of discernment. To have parental encouragement is a real blessing. It is in the home where I first encountered Christ, seeing how my parents love one another and their children. A lot could easily be said, but I think the kids summed it up well with our joint wedding anniversary gift we gave to them on October 24, 2008. I must return and read our reports regarding the company.

Concrete experiences that have made me better understand the proposal of the CL movement within the framework of the Fraternity of San Carlo.

1. At the Incontro della Casa (held every month) for the month of October our rector mentioned the importance of not placing limitations on the work God wants to do with our lives. He talked about how many live in fear with the unexpected demands God may have for one’s life, and how many start calculating the impact of certain actions and ways of encountering God. Meditating on his words, I was drawn into the mystery of what it means to love, in regards to the filial relationship of Jesus for the Father, and Mary’s relation with Jesus, and the 12 Apostle’s. I became aware that my love for God needs to mature in a manner that is completely open to the path he has chosen for me (scoprire e cercare il progetto del Altro). That I cannot foresee what he is going to reveal to me tomorrow, or how he is going to make himself present for me. I had predetermined ideas of what God was going to show me this month, placing limitations on what I wanted to see and learn about his love for me. It is kind of exciting and it has helped me recognize that the greatest desire on my heart is to love God and share this love in the form and ways He will choose for my life. To bring my love of Jesus and the Church to the world in the form of being a priest with the Fraternity.

2. University –I began studies at the Lateran University immediately after I arrived back in Rome. I was looking forward to this aspect of my formation very much, and to studying with the guys at the house. We attend university at the (PUL) Pontifical Lateran University which is adjacent to the great basilica. During the first week, one of the guys made an announcement at lunch regarding the possibility of running for class elections from both philosophy and theology. I did not quite understand the announcement and ended up sitting at the table where they were talking strategy about how to run and win the election. I was a little shocked when it was proposed that I run for either Senate or Counselor, and representing the student body. However returning to Rome from Canada, I was fired up regarding the recent Conservative success on the national level, and decided to throw my name into the hat and run for what I initially thought was the senate but ended up being for counselor. I talked to my friend Umberto one evening regarding strategy, and we were thinking about trying to win the international vote, and gaining this vote by making my speech in Italian, English, French and having a catchy Latin slogan. I wrote some notes down, and on the day of the election I received help from Paolo and Mateo (two first year seminarians), who put my ideas together in the form of a coherent message. The day of the election I got dressed up with shirt and tie, and was getting the confidence groove on. At the election, I made what turned out to be a stunning speech and won hands down. I was excited about the victory, and the chance to represent the fraternity and learn more about the Lateran University. Around the house, whenever I am asked about this position, I respond by saying that next year I am going to run for rector of the university. I am trying to have some fun with the guys and let loose a little. Often they are quite surprised by my humor, it is difficult to be funny in a foreign culture, however, it is something I am determined to learn, and integrate within the sphere of the teasing and good ol’ self.

Here’s a list of the classes that I am currently taking and a brief snapshot of the work covered thus far.

Greek –Introduction to New Testament Greek with a priest from the Fraternity. This is a lot of fun because I have to try to learn Greek in Italian, not in Italy the country, but trying to grasp the fundamental concepts in a foreign language. The professor has a lot of sympathy for me, since he is from Switzerland.

Introduction to Metaphysics. We have been given an overview of the development of ancient philosophy with a special emphasis on Parmenides and Plato and Aristotle.

Philosophy of Man. This is a very interesting class since we have yet to talk about the human person and only have a couple weeks left of classes. The professor has given a great overview of the changes brought about by modern science most notably by Newton and Galileo, and the change in conception of causality and metaphysics. He is proposing a integration of science and philosophy of being.

Patristic Philosophy. This is an interesting course, we have explored the cultural influences about the development of Christian doctrine in light of the main philosophies of the time. He have looked at Justin Martyr, Irenaeus and Origen and are following a text by Gilson. The funny thing is that the professor gave us this package of readings at the start of the course, and has yet to mention it explicitly.

Logic. With a American priest as a professor. This is an interesting course, and can best be described as a comparison between two fundamental conceptions of knowing reality. We began by comparing Aristotle and Plato, and have in hindsight a critique of Kant’s a priori approach that does not think we have a conception of the very being of the material world, and that we perceive is mediated in preconceived categories.

History of Ancient Philosophy. This class is taught by a very young professor, who mentioned to me that he was in Quebec last year for an international Platonist conference. He is a good teacher who carries a presence that is easy to follow. I like his teaching method as well, he begins every class with a student presentation summarizing the previous classes lecture.

3. We have begun at the house an Great Books program, throughout the year we will be reading fundamental texts for the study of philosophy. We had an introduction to this component of the formation with a book by Jean Guiton, titled The New Art of Thinking. After our assembly there are a couple fundamental ideas that have remained with me: 1) the importance of being prepared for the learning environment, in the context of doing all the readings and trying to get the most of the class time available (this also carries over into every sphere of life, especially living with thirty seminarians), 2) the openness of being corrected, this has significance I have found not just for the learning environment but for all aspects of life, and boy can it be hard being corrected, 3) Guiton also gives a lot of excellent pointers regarding studying and reading habits to maximize comprehension. Many of his ideas carry over into other spheres of life, which are superiors emphasized, the unity of daily life, and the importance to always ask questions and seek out the reasoning behind what we do, and how we think and act.

4. Having the opportunity to pick Olives at our country house a couple of weeks ago was a great learning opportunity, and a great getaway. One thing that stands out about the time together was the encouragement given by our vice rector (JL). While celebrating evening prayer and Mass at the house, it became apparent that he had not prepared for either the celebration of evening prayer or the Mass. There was a lot of confusion of who was going to lead the hymn, and how the two choirs were to be divided, and we had the wrong reading for the day. It was pretty funny, and I almost lost it during the recitation of the psalms. Well, to the point, after the Mass, the vice rector mentioned that there must be a unity of all of our actions, and how we must do everything with a heightened awareness of who we are in front of. As well, that there is a reflection in the particular of the conception and way of living in general. About ten days later, this thought came to me again when I was looking around by room, and recognizing the disorderliness of well, most of the room. I immediately took action and began placing my shirts and pants in order. I can safely say that they have been in order for a couple weeks now.

5. On the family note, I was very happy to hear that Carol received her PhD from the University of New Brunswick in Fredericton, from the Faculty of Education. And as well, to learn that my brother Chris, decided to return home to Saint John after a four month chase, or pursuit of a girl in Ontario. Sounds a little familiar to his big brother, only a couple of years ago chasing a girl from Cornwall. My parents celebrated their wedding anniversary while I was in Rome. It is a little difficult not being physically present or close during the family events and celebrations, but I must learn to be close while at the same time being distant. I also learned that I will be staying in Italy for Christmas. I initially asked for permission to return to Saint john for Christmas and my mother and sister’s birthdays, however, I decided along with my superiors advice that it would be best to remain and experience the distance during this time of formation. I am happy about this decision knowing that it will be a very important learning experience in my pursuit of a vocation with the Fraternity of San Carlo. I am excited to be going to Lake Como with a couple of the guys and being in Rome for the 25th, I will leave for Como on the 27th of the month and be there for a week before returning to Rome.

6. I miss watching and following the sporting events, and cultural aspects of North America, however, I am learning to maximize the time I have on the internet everyday, 30 minutes. I have been reading up on International news through the Osservatore Romano, which usually arrives a couple of times a week. Benedict is really steppin’ it up with his Wednesday audiences, and I have pasted many of the audiences on my blog. This is a great tool since it enables me to quickly access many of the websites that I frequently visit, and get caught up with sports scores, local and national news, university news briefings, and some of my favorite artists. I also past articles that I think are interesting and do not have time to read within the allotted time for internet use.

7. Charitable work, every Saturday afternoon a group of seminarians which I am part of, visit an seniors complex near one of the Fraternity’s parishes in Rome. I first had the opportunity to visit with these people when I came to visit the Fraternity for two months in May and June. I remember from my initial experience how beautiful these hours were spent together with the guys and with the old people. A common work, to stay in front of people who are suffering and lonely and share the same human condition and desires of friendship and community. I always look forward to these afternoons, even if it means putting aside getting caught up with my lessons. During the month of October, it was especially nice since many of them like to sit outside during the afternoon. It kind of reminds me a little bit of the time I got to spend with Grammy at the Admirable Beaty. A lot of the older men smoke, and play cards. A couple of the guys join them over cards and cigarettes. A couple of times I have been tempted to light up, when they have offered one to me. It is really cute to see them together and to witness their friendship. It is a privilege that their friendship is opened and makes space for us. Many of them get quite excited when we arrive, I always try to think of a few highlights from the week to let them know what I have learned about the Italian culture or a new word or phrase that I have learned. One of the ladies likes to sing a communist song, Bandiera rosa, Red flag, and follow with the Salve Regina, sung with a mix of Latin and Italian. I have come to believe that these hours I get to live with them, is the heart of Christianity. Being still and patient in front of another, they are so present to me, almost as if God makes himself present to me through them. This has been one of the highlights of the year thus far, they have revealed me to myself, and as well, the mystery of God made flesh contemporary, today.

8. Learning to love God is always a challenge, also learning what love is can be a pain in the ass for it often shows how little we love another, or how selfish our love can be. One of the things that has been made clear for me is that to love another is to be open to how the Other wants to love and reveal himself to the beloved. The beloved cannot place limitations or timeframes on what the Lover wants to reveal and manner of revealing his love. Consequently, love is not manipulative or mechanic but organic and spontaneous. It is nice knowing that I do not control my destiny alone, that it is a response to another who gently and quietly leads me to himself. This was a great revelation, and am excited to try to love in a more freely and open manner. To give oneself to another as though I am giving myself and my love to Christ.

9. A couple of weeks after returning to Rome, I had the opportunity to join two other seminarians and don Massimo for a walk along via Antica. This was a great experience to hang out and chat with the founder of the community. We walked the same trail that we walked together when I visited in May and June, with Scorrano and Fred. However, this time it was fall and the first part of the trail was a little bit wet. We all got our shoes dirty together and just kept on going. It was great to be together and ask questions and reveal part of ourselves to one another and to the founder. I look up to don Massimo very much, and from reading his writings and learning about his profound friendship with Luigi Giussani it is always a treat to be with him. He has become a father figure for me. We talked about Benedict’s trip to France and the Synod on the Word of God, and life in the house. We all had time to ask questions and joke around, he has a gift that enables many of us to be ourselves with him. He mentioned that, in regarding our choir practice, that if we don’t learn to sing together and follow an authority, we completely miss an opportunity to deepen our participation in the Liturgy. It is great to hear him express, the need for being well prepared and doing this work with an attentiveness to the greater picture. It is almost as if that everything we do, we can do with an awareness of order and form, that will help us better participate in the Liturgy. He tried to highlight the unity of our lives, and our work together that at its apex is the Mass.

10. Language training is improving very much. I have a new instructor named Caterina who is the best teacher so far. We work together two days a week at a school named San Orsolo, where two of the seminarians teach religion and one leads the GS. It is great to have a serious teacher, and one who has a presence that I want to follow. I know that the passage way for my vocation is through the Italian language, and CL movement, and consequently, working on the language is a work for my relationship with Christ, and my relationship and friendships with the guys and superiors and to better enter into the Italian culture. It is great not being intimidated by picking up an Italian newspaper or something else written in Italian. I feel a lot better around the house, now that I am able to participate more freely in dialogue and discussion with everyone.

11. I have received a couple of letters which is always nice, and have written a couple. It was great to hear from friends in the United States, and a couple in Canada. I have received two responses since I sent a group of letters out. Receiving a letter is quite special, it carries an element of spontaneity when I see it in my mailbox. A lot could be written here about how giddy I get when I receive mail, but I will save it for another date.
The two passages from the Scriptures are typed below in Italian, and God willing I will remember to paste them in English from the internet.
Dalla lettera di san Paolo apostolo ai Filippesi 2:4-9 (Philipians)
Dal vangelo secondo Luca 17:30-31? (Luke)
Like Mary and the apostles, it is a gift to ponder the events one lives in one’s heart. The texts bring to mind the theme of death and rebirth, emptying myself of my preconceptions of what this time was to unfold and be open to the mystery and work of God that he has planned for me. I can almost say that my way of looking at my life has died and been reborn, not at all easy, learning to look at one’s life in light of a couple of scripture verses brings a lot of clarity to what I am living and what I have lived for the past 25 years. To keep all of this in one’s heart and reflect along with the experience of the Saints and the Holy Scriptures, will lead and has led to a greater awareness of the presence of Christ concretely in my life. I am excited to continue to grown in conforming my will to the will and plan God has carved out for me. I feel a lot freer than when I first arrived in August, and it has been wonderful seeing friendships and freedom grow together. I live, pray and work, these days with great peace knowing that the work and genius of Giussani and the CL movement will lead me to the truth of my life, the full realization of my friendship with Jesus.
In the text of School of Community on the chapter of Obedience, Giussani highlights the importance of following and entering the circumstances and seeking to understand, (cercare a capire). Benedict XVI in his speech in France at the Institute of Culture emphasized the importance of seeking out God’s presence in the world, that is in our prayer and work; when he reflected on Benedictine Monastic Life, Ora e Labora. In seeking to better understand my life, and the mission and purpose God has for me, the work we (God and I) will do together for the Life of the world, these two texts have often come to mind.