November Testimony from FSCB

Witness by John Roderick for the Month of November

December 10 2008

Every passing week requires a judgment of what one has lived, what one has learned, what one is struck by, the questions that daily life raises, what one sees and the answers that God chooses to make present at this time. Also the humility in knowing that everything that one wants to be made clear, will eventually unfold and be revealed at the right time and place.

During the month of November, I often reflected on the experience of the Apostles, the Virgin Mary and Jesus, and the work and mission that God had for each and every one of them. The difficulty they all had in understanding and comprehending the work and mission that God had for them, and what it must have been like for them to see it unfold before their very eyes, the questions they must have asked, the doubts, the worries, the newness of life that each of them lived following Christ, and the new things they saw and witnessed. What it must have been like to recognize their own hearts being moved, and being scandalized by the people around them, the thoughts of leaving the companionship. However, at the same time, the recognition of the reasonableness of staying with this Man, this man and this new experience that has deeply embedded itself into one’s life in an unchangeable manner, given a new heart and new eyes by which to see the world and one’s life and history. The recognition that one does not control the heart, what one sees and does not see, at the same time our necessary involvement in this new friendship, our need to stay before what we live and ask continually for help to understand, to be attentive to those who are ahead of oneself and the testimony they give, and the reasons they give for following this friendship and way of life.

The month of November was a very exciting month for the house of formation. The month of November is when everything starts moving into gear, classes at the Lateran University began the third week of October, and School of Community for the philosophy students began. Also, every November, we throw a huge celebration and party for the Feast Day of San Carlo, this year it happened to fall in the middle of the week, so we postponed it to the following Sunday November 9th. The first meeting for the Faculty of Philosophy took place, a meeting with the new President for the Compania dei Opere -Sholtz, an association of various types of workers that collaborate together. A day spent picking olives at our house in the county, Porciano, a meeting with Fr. Julian Carron with the priests from Rome and the southern part of Italy, a meeting of various superiors of religious communities dedicated to the renewal of religious life, a concert with Benedetto Cheffo e Fabrizio Scheda -the son of Claudio Chieffo, the meeting of one of the leaders of Punto Cuore –friend of Sr. Blondine, an awkward and funny experience with my Italian teacher –Caterina, growing in friendship with a vice rector –Jonah Lynch, weekly charity work, a greet books evening on Plato’s Apologia, receiving and writing a couple of letters to friends and family in Canada, a brief encounter with Antonio Lopez, friendship with Giorgio –student from Rome, direzione spiritual with Padre Spirituale, obedience and friendship as the way to true and fuller life –readings from Is it Possible to Live this Way?.

What follows is a list of some of the meaningful experiences I lived during the month of November, and what I was to learn from them, the questions they evoked and what questions still remain.

1. The month of November began with a meeting held at the House of Formation with Fr. Julian Carron and the priests and religious from Rome and southern Italy who follow the life of Communion and Liberation. Initially, I was a little hesitant about attending this meeting since it was to take place on a Monday, a school day in which I have Philosophical Anthropology and Logic. I was to miss the following Monday for Olive picking at Porciano, and did not want and cannot stand falling behind in school and reading. The previous night I had asked two of the guys who are a couple years ahead of me if they were planning on attending classes, and they agreed and we planned to leave promptly at 7am. I rose as though it were a normal day and after eating breakfast I began to wait, and then continued to wait. I ended up being the only one standing around waiting to go to school, and later learned that they decided not to attend. I was a little antsy, but I knew I was going to get to hear Fr. Carron speak. Shortly after, many cars full of priests started showing up, our parking lot was soon full, and everybody was out in the sun talking, laughing and catching up. It was awesome to see so many priests and friends of the CL movement together. A couple minutes before they started arriving, I noticed many of the guys getting into their suits and putting on ties, I got excited for the opportunity to get dressed up. When we have these types of gatherings, I have become more aware that we are inviting guests to the house, as well, guests and friends of don Massimo. It is a real treat and honor to get dressed up and welcome our superiors friends. I quickly stripped down and slapped on some stick, and put my best tie on. It is great to grow in my belonging to the house, it seems that it is constantly becoming more my own, more of a home and less of a mere place we live together. Many times, I find these events difficult since I don’t know anyone, and people are not here to meet and be friendly to new seminarians. The community and friendship that exists amongst these men is something very special, a companionship that God has given to help live one’s vocation to love Christ and the Church. The joy that was lived together that morning was something very new that I have not seen before, and a desire that I have with the guys I live with. Carron talked about his experience at the recent Synod on the Word of God, and the responsibility he has asked to undertake as the lead moderator for the Spanish language. He mentioned how through his interaction with many bishops, the support he received for the method and approach of the CL movement, to view one’s life and experience and to judge these within the framework of the Sacred Scriptures and the living Tradition of the Church. That we have and share the same experiences of all Christian people that have gone before us, we have the same questions and the same need to be reasonable in front of what we live and how we are moved. He asked us all to recommit ourselves and be more serious with the work of School of Community and the reading of Scripture.

2. This was followed by a letter Fr. Carron wrote to the CL movement sharing his experiences of the Synod and his personal judgment of what he lived during those days. This was made available through the CL website in many languages. He talked about the important events, and the need to really root ourselves and the meaning of that we live in front and within the context of the Scriptures, and the Church’s living tradition.

3. The Feast of San Carlo was on Sunday November 9th . The house of formation was a rocking from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. Friends of the seminarians and priests, or other friends from the CL movement began arriving from all across Italy and a couple of nearby countries for the weekend festivities. During the meals, many of the guys would eat with their visiting friends in the Welcoming House part of the dining room, and consequently one never knew who was going to be around, and many of the friends brought cheeses and wines and other drinks for the festivities. On Friday and Saturday evenings after dinner, many would gather around the piano in the seminarians dining area for sing song, drinks and time to catch up. It was great to see everyone with their friends, when one is seen with their friends they are seen being freer, more able to be oneself. Over the songs, stories and laughter, one more fully realizes the hearts’ desire for friendship and communion, the togetherness of singing and sharing a drink. This experience with the guys I live with was new to me, many new people that I had never seen before, and seeing the guys I live with, with new eyes, a new appreciation for their passion and love of life. It is incredible what these times of celebration help one see about the other, penetrate more deeply ones love for another, the realization of one and another’s childlikeness and playfulness. There were times during the weekend, where this was a struggle, trying to understand where do I fit in amongst this, why can’t I have this experience with my friends, or lack thereof, it is difficult that I am unable to fully share what I am living with my closest friends. However, it is clear that when Giussani speaks about one’s judgment and love that is truer when it is made public and in front of others to witness, is hitting the nail directly on the head. I find that these little notes and sharing and writing letters, has helped to make what I live truer and more my own. It is incredible the work involved, but the work is what makes things truer and more beautiful. I remember distinctly being invited by a friend in first year for a drink and a treat with another guy, what an honor it was to be chosen and invited. It was great to relax and be together, to share more intimately what we were living together these past months. During the day and before Mass, many would be walking in the gardens, chatting, smoking or praying the rosary. One morning, I spotted Kristen, a friend from the USA, and we chatted, it is great to have someone who shares a common history of the Church and the movement, for it is much different than the experience in Italy, and especially living with many from Milan. I was responsible for helping to prepare the chapel and room downstairs for the meal after the Mass. We set up hundreds of chairs in the chapel, it was great working together on a common project, at times frustrating with the Italian mentality of work, and different North American understanding. However, it was all good, after the Mass, I was to be responsible for a drink station, pouring red wine, fonta orange and coke, and water. During the morning I must of opened and poured close to fifty bottles of wine. During the Mass, I was close to the door since I was responsible for quickly getting the food and drinks together following communion. I enjoyed this common work very much. It was again a little difficult for me during the festivities, seeing everyone interacting with friends and old acquaintances. I met a couple of new people who were very nice, I was quite surprised with the number of people who make the day long trip from Milan for the Mass and party. A priest from our house in Prague gave a testimony, Stefano Pasquale, the priest I stayed with the first night of the Rimini Meeting. He spoke about his experience learning to enter and love a new culture.

4. The Lateran University Philosophy Department held a meeting which I was required to attend. I had the distinct privilege to meet the Rector of the university, Rino Fisichella, along with a couple of the other philosophy professors. I had to remain at the university after classes and wait for the meeting, I was a little nervous because the weather was the pits and was not sure if it was going to be canceled or not. I checked my email a couple of times, and when no one was at the room after the scheduled time of the meeting, I thought about leaving. But there was a man, who looked like he could have been a philosophy teacher, the Ed Carty type, no description required, I would hate for it to come back to me at some point. We began the meeting, and I introduced myself as a first year student with the Fraternity of San Carlo, and that I had studied chemistry and theology at the John Paul II Institute in Washington. The meeting was pretty dry, and at two points they asked me to leave the room for extended periods of time. I was a little frustrated, since I wanted to get right involved with the Nitty Gritty ins and outs of the university. I learned that there will be greater collaboration with another private university within the city, and the possibility of adding a couple of new courses to the Licentiate program. Overall, I was not too satisfied. Returning home, I was late for the weekly Holy Hour we make together as a house, and a little wet from the rain. Thank goodness there are only a couple of meetings throughout the year. On the bright side, it was an honor to be there and to represent the Fraternity, and to begin to get to know some of the movers and shakers on a more familiar level.

5. I began the month of November with a new Italian Instructor, the last one only lasted a week. I was a little shocked when Jonah told me that he wanted to make the language a priority, I had initially interpreted that he wanted me to stop attending university and concentrate solely all day on learning the language. I would have gone crazy working on grammar exercises all day. But this was my initial understanding, safe bet that I needed to continue to improve my language skills. I got the telephone number from Jonah, of Caterina, a girl who is a friend of the CL movement and teaches Italian out of San Orsula school, a school run by a priest from the Fraternity of San Carlo, don Matteo (friend of Antonio’s). I was happy to learn that this is the school where both Dipietro and Dall’Agata go once a week to teach catechism to the middle and high school students. Dipietro and I are on the same group that work together in serving the meals and setting up the tables and clearing and cleaning of the dining room. There are six groups that rotate every week. Well, many interesting things have occurred in this relationship with the language instructor, and I hope to highlight only a couple. Firstly, Italians and I think all Europeans love using the cell phone, not that it is a negative thing, but culturally different from my own familial experience. My instructor for the first couple of weeks thought it best to get in touch with me, by way of calling the vice rector Jonah. She would call him asking him whether I was coming to school or not, or if I was late, or if I had received an email, or had completed the assigned homework. Jonah got tired of taking my calls, and being my personal secretary for my language studies and after a week asked me to purchase a cell phone. Initially I did not want to purchase one, but I am here to learn obedience, in all big and small ways. It was exciting trying to pick one out, I got a blue Nokia, 35 euro phone. Caterina is a wonderful teacher, and is serious about teaching and improving my language skills. The first day we had a test, which I bombed big time, it must have looked like I was a complete idiot, Jonah had mentioned to her that she was to be the fourth language teacher, and that none of them had had much success with me, or for some reason or another, we needed to find a new teacher. I wondered what must have gone through her head when Jonah told her that she would be the fourth instructor in as many weeks. We have classes alone together, no other students, in a middle school science classroom, I am certain my father would love the rocks that are displayed in the plastic boxes in the shelves. After a couple of solid weeks of progression and getting to know one another, there came a lesson where Caterina gave me the talk about behavior in the classroom, and her level of comfortability together with me alone in the classroom. This could taken in many ways, as though I have a crush on her, or vice versa as she has a little something, something for the young good looking Canadian seminarian who is trying to learn Italian. She even mentioned that she had thought about stopping the lessons all together. However, when I told her that I like to tease and be myself and am interested in not just learning Italian but trying to get to know someone a little bit, that I have three sisters and a mother that I tease and am playful with, she quickly saw a fuller picture and mentioned that maybe she had made this imaginary story up in her head. Women I tell you, always have to be creating and thinking of a story to put together, it is almost as if they were created this way. Trying to read a lot into one’s behavior, or piecing a puzzle together without even knowing or having all the parts. Well, this lead me to talking a close friend at the house of formation, Umberto, who after talking to the vice rector that follows him, asked him to tell me to talk to Jonah about the manner. This began quite the story, a circle of talking to the rector of the seminary, and the priest who is the head of the school where the lessons take place. Together we came to the conclusion to ask Caterina, if she was comfortable teaching and being with me, and if not to stop the lessons immediately. This was a pretty hectic event, but it helped me to be more open and up front about it with my vice rector and rector, to explain the situation as best as possible, and become more aware of how I must be around Italian women. How they are different, and how the Italian men are different, the level and nature of the conduct between men and women is different, and I must be aware that I cannot comport myself as though, she is one with a similar cultural experience. Also, the attractiveness of virginity, being in front and with someone whose first reaction and gaze is not one of possession and manipulation, but one of interest and listening. This Italian woman is almost ten years my senior, and not overly attractive, she is sweet, and very good at teaching me Italian, but there are no feelings for her in a romantic manner. I am very interested in her, she has experience with the Neo-Catemunate and Focolare, two other movements in the Church that are very popular in Italy. I have been able to share a little bit about the Communion and Liberation Movement, and for homework I had to write a short essay explaining the birth of CL.

In light of the work for School of Community, the chapters on Obedience and Liberty, these events helped me to better understanding my friendship with Umberto, as a path to true obedience. Obedience with my superiors and obedience to the reality that was in front of me. Friendship is a gift that helps to enable one live more fully the circumstances that present themselves, a guide or light towards to true liberty and satisfaction. These aspects are crucial for the common life together, and for the life of the Fraternity of San Carlo. Obedience is not some form of hierarchal power, but is an aid to live more fully and freely, a light to help us better live what is being asked of us, a light to open our heart to the fullness of comprehension and to take this seriously.

6. Around the same time as all these events were happening with the Italian Instructor, the Fraternity hosted a group of religious community superiors who are friends or follow the CL movement. There were a total of 15 superiors with us during the week, they would have meetings during the day, a private lunch and join us for supper. I volunteered to help serve the meals and prepare the dining room, and clean up afterward. One funny story was during the first night, after the main meal don Massimo was making a round to all the tables to say hello and check in with all the superiors. At the last table, he was saluting an Abbot from a monastery, as he was finishing with him, I asked if he would like an apple, the bowl of apples was overflowing and one accidently spilled onto his lap. As the apple was falling don Massimo said OHHHHH Gesuuuuuu, it made everyone at the table laugh and for the next couple of days the guys would tease me a little bit and say OHHHH Gesuuuu. They would join us for Mass in the evenings, and most evenings a different superior would give the homily and be the main celebrant. It was awesome being with and living together with the superiors of the other religious communities , you could tell that you were in the presence of the Ultimate Warriors of spiritual life, people that go into battle daily for the life and are at the heart of the Church. The first morning, it was kind of funny, because the alarm went off at five o’clock in the morning, some of the superiors were already up and beginning the hours of the day. Monastic communities will often pray an extra or two extra hours during the day, whereas the seminarians of the Fraternity are required to pray three or four of the hours, some of these communities gather seven or eight times a day for prayer, including the middle of the night. This is a beautiful education in the importance of sanctifying time, that our day revolves and is centered the awareness of the event of God taking flesh in the birth of Christ in the Angelus, or the reading of the psalms to enter into the logic of God’s presence with the People of Israel. These were exciting days, having them in the gardens praying the rosary and getting to know them a little bit during and after dinner, and at Mass. We had a meeting with one of the responsible of Punto Cuore, who have a community in Napoli. I had heard of the community first from Sr. Blondine at the John Paul II Institute, and again by don Jacques in Montreal. One thing I remember is that they follow the thought of Balthasar and had two weeks of meetings with Cardinal Marc Ouellet in Quebec City a couple of years ago.

7. A meeting with Bernard Sholtz, the President of the Compania dei Opere, a cooperative of workers who follow the CL movement. He talked a lot about trying to help the workers be more responsible and free in front of their work, he said he is only there to help them to do their work with a greater sense of liberty. Many of these workers associations work together, help support one another in selling product, or in other basic needs. What I remember best, was his analogy, that a father must teach his son, give him the tools to learn to live and be in front of life with its difficulties and struggles, and never take do too much for his son. These words I understood in light of the seminary and formation period, that our rectors and superiors are equipping us men with the tools to be in front of this time of experience and formation, learning to stay in front of God at all times, learning to seek his presence and to understand and deepen the correspondence and liberty by which we believe we were called to be here. Everything is taken up and is an opportunity to deepen our understanding of what we are living, of who we are following and who we want to bring to the world. A father is one who gives the necessary tools to the son, in such a way that he is able to fully realize himself, the talents and gifts that God has bestowed upon him for the betterment of the Kingdom of God. The necessary freedom and space as well, this all returns back to the worker and his experience and opens into many fields, if not all.

8. We had the distinct privilege of hosting a concert with Benedetto Cheffo e Fabrizio Scheda -the son of Claudio Chieffo. This was a new experience for me, since I do not know either of these musicians or their involvement with the CL movement. I learned that they were at the heart of the formation and experience of the movement, creating melodies and poems that integrate the experience of following the CL movement. It was a very special concert performed by the son of Claudio, the songs have been translated into numerous languages, and a couple were familiar from the CL songbook. That night the missionary sisters were present, and I asked to help set up and man the entrance. I had a little fun trying to get everyone inside who were out smoking, teasing them a little, that we concert starts at 9pm tempo Americano e non tempo Italiano. That evening, Kristen gave me Ellen’s phone number, since I knew that dad would be present in DC for the JPII conference. I also learned earlier and struggled a little bit with the fact that a friend of mine and staff at the Institute had gone into a coma and would probably die in the following days. It was great to hear from dad, and to know that he was meeting and catching up with friends and former classmates, and that I would get updated in the following weeks over the phone.

9. Incontro della Casa. I made my first intervention, well, it is best described as a testimony, at the monthly house meeting. I shared my experience sharing music by David Miles in the car on the way to Charity work, and how his words have helped me to better understand what I want to do with my life. Especially the new album. After revealing this to my friends in the car, I was really excited to be in front of the people at the old persons home. Staying in front of them, of their suffering and needs of community, friendship and belonging, I was made more aware of my own suffering, of my own needs of community and belonging. I mentioned that it is my desire to experience and live these needs within the community and common life of the house of formation, and that it is only possible by staying with and present to another. One discovers the scope of one’s suffering and neediness to the extent that one stays and enters into this experience, and helps to bear that suffering and neediness. A true friend is one that is present in the fullness and integral nature of the other, in all of his capacities, limitations and suffering .