Witness for the Month of November

Testimony for October 2009
John Roderick
November 21st 2009

The month of October at the house of formation can best be described as a time of transition into the daily and weekly rhythm of the University year. September is a month primarily dedicated to getting one’s feet in regards to seminary life, whereas October is where the rubber hits the pavement. There is always a little nostalgia for the fall colours and smells, the concrete aspects of a Canadian fall in the maritime provinces, St. FX football and soccer, and the beginning of the NHL and NBA season. However, I am much more accustomed to being away from home, and wait until the middle of November to enjoy the changing of the seasons.

I was greatly helped during the month with the meditative reading of the Gospel of Luke during the daily hour of silent prayer. Immediately, I think of the parable of the virgins with their oil lamps. This has always been an important passage for those thinking of either the priesthood or religious life, but it took on new meaning for me during the month. I became particularly aware of the need for patient vigilance in my life, in front of the vocational path I have chosen, being in a new country, language and culture, and the desire of affirmation for the decision that I have freely made. The parable reveals the necessity of being patient, of being ready for the Lord to concretely come to us within the circumstances we are given, the country, culture and language. I have been brought to a new disposition in front of the given circumstances, one of asking and seeking out the Lord’s presence, looking to see His love for my life in the other seminarians and priests that have been given to me to guide to the fullness of the truth of my life.

I wonder a lot, at the life I have been given, the history that I have, the people I have met, the places I have been, the ups and downs that I have lived. What do all of these experiences mean, in light if what I am being asked to live as a seminarian seeking the full truth of the attraction to the Fraternity of St. Charles. Nothing is left out, and everything is taken up within one’s vocation. God asks us to use our reason and experience to understand the mysterious plan He has for our lives, as well, as to be patient as this plan unfolds concretely before us. The patience required when seeking the will of another is a real grace. I have learned, and often have to relearn this fact, that I don’t necessarily determine the times and places I choose to be struck by God’s presence. I cannot manipulate Him, and I cannot manipulate my heart. I can try to deny what has happened to my life, but it is not reasonable to do so.

In front of times of confusion and uncertainty, I am often drawn back to reflect on the story of the life I wrote as a project for all the seminarians entering their second year. God has promised so much, fulfilment and peace, and I am here in Rome because it is the most reasonable place to be, to believe that God will bring to fulfilment the mission He has begun in my life. I am staking my whole life, my whole person and story in this promise by God the Father, of a life full of His love and presence within the communion and friendship of the Fraternity. I can live these days, which are at times very difficult because of this promise, and how generous and loving He has been in my life. My relationship with Him transcends particular circumstances, that meaning my fulfilment does not depend on being at a particular place, or with a particular person, but the only answer to the mystery of my person and heart is the person of Jesus and how he chooses to make himself present to me. God is love, and love in part takes the form of eros, a passionate search and seeking out of the beloved, I trust that God does love me, and is seeking out his beloved, wanting to patiently seek the fullness of my heart for the plan he has for my life. God asks for the totality of our hearts, to follow and give of our selves completely to the plan, to the attractive presence he concretely reveals in our lives.

What follows is the description of some facts from the month of October, I do not intend to be overly exhaustive in the explanation and judgment, but my hope is that they are able to convey a glimpse of what I am living, and what God has asked me to fully embrace as one seeking His will for my life.

1. The beginning of the academic year at the Pontifical Lateran University, first day of classes were on Monday October 12th. This year, I began the second year of a two year program equivalent to a bachelor of arts in philosophy. This semester is much more difficult than those of the first year, since I am taking a full course, meaning that I have accepted no credits from my pervious philosophy courses at St. FX. The difference is very clear, since during the first year I had at least two less classes each semester. The first semester of the second year is supposed to be the most demanding. My classes are as follows: Political Ethics with M. Konrad from the Fraternity of St. Charles, 2) Natural Theology with Charles Morerod, who is a Dominican priest who serves on many important ecumenical dialogue committees for the Vatican, 3) Philosophy of Being with Mario Pangallo, a heavy taste of Aristotle’s Metaphysics and Thomas Aquinas re-reading of the tradition, 4) Modern Philosophy with Leonardo Messinese, who is a disciple of Gustavo Bontadini who proposes a new speculative reading of Modern Philosophy along with the interpretation of Martin Heidegger, 5) Nietzsche and nihilism with Antonio Cecchini, which is a seminar reading class, 6) Relativism and the thinking of Immanuel Kant, with Marcello Pera, which proposes how a reading of Kant’s critique of the scepticism of David Hume, in fact lays the groundwork for an even more pervasive form of relativism.

The school year has been progressing very well, much different from the first year of studies. It is nice to be more united and committed together as friends (boys in second year), those seminarians from the Fraternity. The difference is like black and white from a year ago, where often the guys would stay at the house and I would be the only one from that Fraternity in the first year classes. It is nice to be together, and makes getting up at six am to attend lectures much more easy. There is a greater seriousness, and a much more critical disposition in front of the material we are learning. We are learning to be able to judge and appropriate the various schools of thought. We often discuss the material together in the car on the way home, and there is much greater openness to dialoguing, and asking questions.

2. The first of three yearly meetings with don Massimo occurred Friday October 9th. Don Massimo decided that the best way to get to know the new seminarians and commit entirely to the formation of these men, is to have three annual meetings with each seminarian. I remember very well the meeting we had together, and the freedom I had to share what I lived during the first year of seminarian formation. I was very happy to tell him of the facts which have made it possible for me to come to Rome, the people I have been privileged to meet, and the newness that they have brought into my life. These are concrete facts, facts speak, being here in seminary is not the fruit of an idea detached from reality, the concreteness of daily life. But the complete opposite, I am in Rome because the idea was given birth to from certain concrete friendships, facts that I would be silly not to recognize, and the love and mercy that I have experienced within my family. I shared the importance of writing the story of my life, and how it helps me to re-centre my life when I have difficulties. How God has always been very faithful to me, and provided me with many wonderful blessings, friendships, and experiences, and how I am in Rome seeking the fulfilment of everything that I have been given. I shared the importance of the summer vacation with the priests of the fraternity, and my new responsibilities at the house. How through these experiences, I am hoping to deepen my understanding of the mission God has for my life.

3. Don Massimo’s emphasis on mission in light of Philippians 2: 6-11. What does it mean to understand mission in light of Christ’s obedient decision to embrace the Father’s will and become human, take on the human condition, embrace the flesh of fallen humanity. As missionary priests, and for myself being asked to embrace the otherness of my Italian brothers, and their country, language and culture, I must view the circumstances I am being asked to live as the beginning of my mission, to make space for the embrace of what is other, to be conformed to something that precedes me. All of these factors, being the path to the fulfilment of my participation in Christ’s redemptive embrace of the flesh of mankind. We are called to concretely make space for what is other, and embrace this otherness. This is not supposed to be an abstract idea, but the letting of oneself be impacted and affected by the otherness of the people given in one’s life. We are not supposed to be the sole decision makers of our destiny, and the people we have to live with, we are not like lego’s and decide solely by ourselves who we have to live, work, and worship with. We must ask for the gift to make space to welcome who is other, and accept the fact that if they have been given to me, there is probably a great deal I can learn from them. This is very humbling, and not very easy. However, it starts within our families, within the friendships that we already have, and slowly we learn to enter into this type of way of life. We better get used to it, since we will be spending eternity with one another, why not start learning to get a hang of it today.

4. Reading Jean Daniélou’s diary during his seminary formation has been a great help to understand what I am living, and what I am striving for. He was a very humble man considering the genius and capacity he had. His writings have been a testimony for me, a witness for the love of the Church and of the Scriptures, and the common life of his Jesuit formation. I don’t remember many facts immediately, but the witness his writings revealed were of a man deeply in love with the Church, and a great awareness of his own limitations and temptations. I have taken a real liking to his writings, and have read at least half a dozen of his books in the past couple of months. His reading of modern liberalism in France, and of many of the currents within the twentieth century thinking have helped me a lot in my comprehension of what the dominant beliefs the culture presents.

5. Preparation for the article on Music, Silence and Technology with Jonah Lynch. In late September Jonah asked me to help with the research and writing of an article for Communio. This has been a lovely experience since it has challenged me to better look at the way I listen to music, and especially to other people. What type of music do I listen to, when do I listen to music, and to seek the purpose of why I listen to music. What is the place of silence in music, what is a silent disposition in front of listening to music, how do we educate ourselves and others to be silent within our culture today, is this type of education even possible. What has the advent and boom of technology done to music, has this been good or are there limitations, the possibility to control and manipulate music, to pause music, to rewind and fast forward. What do we look for when we listen to music, do we look to be entertained, or to be distracted, or to forget what we are being asked to live. These are a lot of fundamental questions that require a lot of reflection on what I live. It is very easy to open up a can of worms too big. It has been a challenge to decide what to write, and what to and what not to say. There is a very interesting book by Josef Pieper on this theme, “Only the Lover sings”, which proposes a return to the playfulness of music, the playing of music as a pathway to recuperate the grandeur of entering into reflective contemplation of the drama of human experience. We have had many evenings of listening to music, and trying to understand this experience, as well, we have both began playing a bit more piano, and the fleshly character of having to be patient and practice to enter into something beautiful.

6. A meeting with artist Camilian Demetrescu, on the theme of the rebirth of the symbol. This was a very interesting meeting with a painter and friend of don Massimo. He showed many of his pieces, and explained a lot of the rich symbolism. The symbol is very important for a sacramental reading of creation and of the world around us. How do we understand the place and presence of God within the world today. The artist is reacting a little bit to Marxist ideology, which is a form of atheism which places it faith in economic progress and liberating the poor from the class based system, and seeks to eliminate the presence of God in the world. The presence of God in the world, in the concreteness of daily life is sucked out and placed into a vacuum. His paintings are pedagogical, hoping to educate or renew the meaning of symbols, and their intrinsic meaning. A series of his paintings were selected to be on display in the Vatican, where the Pope meets with guests.

7. Canadian Thanksgiving weekend at Parco Leonardo for Burger King and a movie. This was a little bit of surprise but the guys in second year of seminary decided to have a night out at the movies theatre. We left for the nearby theatre, and decided to go large and eat at Burger King for supper before preceding to the theatre to buy our tickets. I was not particularly thrilled to have a grilled chicken sandwich for Thanksgiving dinner, however it was great to be together and make a night out. Before the movie we had time to bowl a string at a big ball bowling alley. Everyone was out to de-throne me, since last year I took the boys to school, lighting up the alley’s like my father during his university years. I was a little nervous that I would not perform up to par, but after being all square for the first six strings, I stepped up and took a commanding lead, and rode into the sunset with the victory. There was still time remaining and we decided to play a couple of cards of bingo, Umberto took the lead since he was the most familiar with the bingo scene. We had fun, and thank goodness we only played for close to twenty minutes. We watched a Sicilian film which was extremely difficult to follow, with the language and with the setting of the movie being told through three generations and the difficulties with communism in Italy. I left a little dissatisfied because I did not understand much of the film, and I was very tired. We arrived home close to one in the morning with classes the next day, however, I was pleased that we spent the time together.

8. Meeting with don Massimo on the meaning of the priesthood, and the year’s lessons dedicated to his new book on the priesthood for the year dedicated to the renewal of the priesthood. Don Massimo highlighted the importance of the fact that a priest is and remains a sinner throughout his life and ministry. Jesus changed the meaning of the priesthood, from that of the Hebrew people, where the priest was isolated and able to enter the Holy of Holies to offer sacrifices for the sins of the people, a type of priesthood defined primarily by his relationship to the sacred and the temple. Christ inaugurates a newness, the Church first began its prayers in the synagogue and then moved to people’s homes, and later into the first Churches. The place of prayer and worship is no longer strictly linked to the temple, but to the world. The temple was considered the place of purity and the world of impurity. With Christianity, the temple and the world are the place of purity. The priest, in all of his humanity and sinfulness, is introduced into the priesthood of Jesus, and is asked to partake in it with all of himself, with all his limitations and weaknesses. It is through this manifestation of God’s love and power through the fragile character of the priest, that characterizes the grandeur of the new priesthood. The priest is called to sanctify the world, to be sent towards people and the world, in order to bring them and these places into Christ’s relationship with the Father. The priest is a bridge between heaven and earth, with the power given to him by God himself through the Church, in order to serve God’s people, to be an instrument of God’s love and presence in the world. As Christ descended from heaven and took the form of flesh, the priest in the same way is sent, into the depths of peoples and families lives, to make Christ present and to bring these relationships and the world into the loving communion between the Father and the Son. Priests are normal people, with an incredible mission, a mission that we don’t determine for ourselves, but one that is determined prior to us, and one that we must conform to, a priesthood that is already given, that of Jesus’ as determined by the Church. Every aspect of our life is now determined by another, the complete and gradual conformation to the person of another, the participation in the redemptive mission of the Son. Without the humble obedience to the form of priesthood revealed by Jesus, there is no priesthood but merely our creative imagination of what we think the priesthood should be. Without the guidance of an authority, the priesthood is not a participation in Jesus’ filial relationship to the Father, but a mere profession.

9. The Art Exhibition Il Potere e la Gloria (The Power and the Glory), on Saturday October 17th and dinner afterward at a restaurant nearby to the house of formation. This evening was very special since we got to see a lovely exhibit that told the story of Europe through the stories of various saints and their relationships with the civil powers of the time. What I was most struck by is the concreteness of the presence of the Church in the world, beginning with the martyrs, followed by the desert fathers, the birth of monasticism, and various other saints throughout the story of the Church. The Church was never, and is not isolated from the world, but always in relation to it. This is not to be understood as the Church being reactionary to the world, but meaning that God raises up saints and various communities and ways of living Christianity according to the needs of the world. God is present in history, and is best manifested in the lives of the Saints who embody most fully what it means to be Christian. The best way to become familiar with the history of the Church and of the world, is to read and become familiar with the lives of the saints. God and the Church do not exist in a vacuum but are really at the heart of the world. These were depicted in close to 200 pieces of art, ranging from stained glass windows, sculptures, paintings and movies, which tell the story, not just of the Church but of the world where the Church is incarnate. While in the car, I recommended that we listen to a couple of the CD’s I brought with me from home, and we listened to Joel Plaskett and Jill Barber. A taste of maritime music for my brothers to embrace. Afterward at the restaurant, we all had pizza and really nice appetizers, and beers. We each gave a personal judgment and reading of what we experienced during the exhibition, it was nice to have Inve and Konrad with us, two of our superiors who are very knowledgeable, to help understand certain pieces of artwork. Inve also knew the owner of the restaurant, and somehow organized a sweet deal of a price.

10. Meeting Mother Cristiana fro Vittorchiano, Sunday October 18th. We met with the missionary sisters of St. Charles at Vittorchiano for a meeting with one of the former Mother superiors of the community. She is a friend of don Massimo, and they have known each other since before he was ordained. Don Massimo described her as being a modern day, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, since she was responsible for a major renewal in the cloistered community, and having opened at least five new monasteries for women around the world. She was one of the first students don Giussani had sent to the Vittorchiano monastery following the completion of university. She shared about her experience living and being responsible for the formation of young women thinking of dedicating their lives to prayer and sacrifice for the Church. What I was most struck about her presentation was the way she described friendship within the monastery. When she first arrived there was at least 50 or 100 different type of hand signals to share and communicate amongst themselves. Through this she learned the grandeur of language, and to communicate only that which is essential. When we are silent, we are much more disposed to be spoken to, and for the Beloved to come and meet us. She talked about the importance of authority in the monastery, and how this is only possible if one trusts in God. We can follow and be obedient to another if we fully trust that God will be present and manifest himself through the authorities we have been given. As well, to trust in God who is the source of all true authority. Following the war, there was a lack of stability and uncertainty in the world, and from this environment many women sought the security and clarity of a vocation to virginity within the monastery. An interesting insight into the nature of friendship, she mentioned the awareness that in community we each belong to one another, as the communion of Saints in a certain way, we somehow belong to the whole Church, this means that no one remains a stranger. Moreover there is an intrinsic and persistent suffering required to open one’s self and make space for another, that friendship takes on this form and that real friendship is very risky, because it means accepting the fact that I am going to be determined and defined by another. Friendship is the death of one’s self, only to be opened and regenerated by another.

11. Beethoven Concert Solemn Mass at the Olympic Park. A group of us from the fraternity purchased tickets to attend a symphony performance of Beethoven’s Solemn Mass. This is the second concert I have attended in Rome. This was a lot of fun, for all the boys got dressed and cleaned up, for a night at the concert hall. The week previous Jonah gave a brief presentation of the various parts of the Mass, that he was most struck by. I had an interesting experience at the theatre since I was sitting beside what appeared to be two conductors and their wives. Each of them had a book almost the size of a textbook, which contained the entire seven parts of the Mass. Throughout the playing, they would be flipping back and forth. At first, I was more fascinated with them, than the music and choir. I have begun Latin at the house, and am familiar with the Latin Mass which we celebrate every Saturday morning at the house of formation, this made it much more possible for it to be a prayerful experience. I must confess that I got lost during the Credo, but overall was able to enter into a prayerful spirit.

12. Cribbage with Jonah, and seeking permission to return to Canada for the Christmas vacation. On Friday October 23rd Jonah and I got together for a night of crib and to discuss the article we are working on together. We were both pretty tired that evening, so we decided to concentrate primarily on the cribbage. I had the hot hand that evening, and won the best of three 2-0. We talked about how grateful we both are, that we have been given this friendship together, that we can be more free together, through playing cribbage and speaking in English. Near the end of the evening, I wanted to ask him about the possibility of returning to Canada for Christmas vacation. And at a certain point, I said to myself, if I cannot ask to come home for Christmas, if I don’t feel free to make this proposal, what in the world am I doing here. When all was said and done, Jonah thought it would be a good idea for me to return to Canada for the Christmas vacation. As well, he asked me to think about the possibility of organizing a meeting with don Massimo, on the meaning and importance of these trips home for foreign seminarians. This is very interesting, since we must freely make this decision, to be apart of a missionary community, meaning to make the fraternity the new defining factor in our lives. This can only be learned through distance, and time with the family. Don Massimo and the Fraternity want us to be free, to be at home within the fraternity, and that means to be able to make the free and full decision, to live the distance from our loved ones. This is not an abandonment of our families, but a new appropriation of our lives, and accepting the sacrifice as a response to the love of God, which calls us to freely embrace this decision. I was a little excited after getting the green light, and phoned home immediately and wished my parents happy wedding anniversary, and let them know that their gift would be my presence at Christmas time. And hopefully the chance to shovel some snow.

13. The Mass at the Lateran Basilica to inaugurate the academic year for the Lateran University, and the inviting of Suzanne Ridler to attend and for lunch afterward at the UN Food and Agriculture Organization, Wednesday October 28th. Early in the month of October, I received an email from Suzanne Ridler letting me know that she and her husband would be in Rome for the month of October, and the request to get together for a meal or walk in the city. Following a couple of emails, the best idea was to meet together for Mass at the Lateran Basilica for the inaugurating Mass for the academic year, and afterward go for lunch and a walk in the city. My parents have told me many a times, that they have been good guides and know the city very well. During the Mass I looked for Suzanne, and was pretty sure that we were sitting only couple of aisles apart, and during communion I was certain it was her. We met after the Mass in front of the façade of the Basilica. After an initial greeting, we went to meet Neil at the World Food and Agriculture Organization, part of the United Stations. After signing in, and a brief tour we all had lunch together on the rooftop cafeteria-restaurant. It was a lot of fun, eating outside with a great view of the Eternal City, we had a lovely discussion of what is Communion and Liberation and the Fraternity of St. Charles, as well, of my experience living and discerning my vocation. It was treat to just be together, to learn a little bit of their story, how they met and of their many travels. Afterward, Suzanne and I went for a little walk to visit the gardens of a religious community, we ended up at the Church of Sts. John and Peter, where the founder of the Passionists is buried, as well, we got to see where the Missionary of Charities have their Convent. We stumbled upon another garden, which funny enough was in the backyard of the Fraternity’s parish near St. John Lateran Basilica. I enjoyed telling and showing the community’s parish. Afterward we continued to walk together, and we went to their apartment for tea and cookies. Funny enough, Suzanne had planned to meet another seminarian later in the afternoon, and we were blessed to be all together for close to an hour. A fellow from Nigernia, who studies at the Santa Croce University. We all tried to speak in French, but I was at a loss for words. I was very blessed by this time together, and learning that Rhoda Ann Flood is a good friend of Suzanne, and that Fr. Paul Leblanc seemed to have a miraculous healing.

14. Reading for the month included The Risk of Education, the book of Job, Genesis and the Gospel of Luke, as well as Descartes Discourse on Method and his Meditations, and Pascal’s Pensées.